Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize