After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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