I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
