Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
