Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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