After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
