i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
