Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
