you're like a bully in the Christmas story
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
