the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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