xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
