You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week š
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dogās dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a āwater bottleā. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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