so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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