Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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