And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
