I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My feet surprised me
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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