I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
