New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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