look no pants
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
