Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
