I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
