Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
