I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
