No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize