my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
