Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
