I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
