My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
