I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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