Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize