I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
