its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
