He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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