You can't special order awesome
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
