I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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