your parents love me but you hate me
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
