I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
