Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
