a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
