There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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