Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
