Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
