I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You have to summon your inner elephant
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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