After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
