Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
