More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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