You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
