He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize