we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
