how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
