go do what you do best...puke behind churches
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
