his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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