singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize