i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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