I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize