And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
