Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
