they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
