You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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