Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
