I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
