Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
