you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
