Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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