1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
