Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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