i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
