Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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