8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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