she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
you never un-have a 4some
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
