Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
