shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I've blown a few things in my day
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
